"I think I’m drowning again. My past called and told me there wasn’t any room for me to live there anymore, and I’m trying not to take it personally. Lately, I’ve been a barbed wire fence reaching for you, and I pretend I don’t know why you’re not touching me. There’s nowhere to put the bad days. Nowhere to put the homesick. I’m digging holes and there’s nowhere to put the dirt except my pockets. Baby, it’s weighing me down, and you aren’t here to make things lighter. You shouldn’t have to be. I want to be the one to take down the tracks that bring these heavy trains hurdling towards my chest, but I’m scared once I learn how to destroy something, I won’t be able to stop. There was so much soft to me once, and it won’t stop rotting away. I want it back. I want it all back. Tell pity to stop calling this number. Tell her to get her hands off of my spine. Tell her I’m not the same person who loved the way she made me crooked. If you’re out there missing me, then send me thunder. Send me a storm. Send me something louder than ‘I love you.’ Does that even exist yet? If it does, it’s with you. It has to be. You don’t belong in this part of town, but if it’s any consolation, I miss your drunken sleep beside me tonight. Your hands are on every clock , and I don’t know how to stop time from moving so fast. Forgive me if I have to remember the bad in you. Forgive me if I have to make it up in my head to make this easier. I am kissing the bottom of the swimming pool, and baby, it’s time I came up for air. It’s time I learned to breathe easy after months of holding my breath."
Y.Z, sometimes moving on means crawling through a graveyard of ghosts (via rustyvoices)